I just got a new TV off of Craigslist. It works pretty well, but it keeps switching itself  to a weird version of the Weather Channel. It’s always reporting natural disasters happening all over the place, even when there aren’t actually any happening. If I turn it off, it flicks itself on in the middle of the night and starts showing hurricanes and earthquakes.  The repairman can’t figure it out. Any tips? 

Staticy in Fort Worth 


You know when something terrible happens and you get a call from a close friend or family member who says: “Yo Staticy! Turn on your TV right now! Just do it!” and then it turns out that something catastrophic is happening like a war is starting or they just euthanized Hsing-Hsing the Panda? It’s important to note that all over the world, within the space of an hour, every single television and radio is focused on this one, single event. This tradition will presumably carry on into the future and the combined worldwide concentration of energy is sending a TV signal back through time that your set is receiving. To prove or disprove this theory, keep a strict record of all the apparently fictional disasters you see reported on this TV. Then see if any of them come true in the future. If and when they do, try to find a pattern so that you can accurately predict calamities. Then become a superhero.