Last weekend, in a cafe, a man with snake eyes and a smell like burnt matches approached me and offered me a single wish in exchange for my soul. He seemed willing enough to wait and even encouraged me to research. After having done so, it seems like giving up my soul can lead to a lot of different possibilities, including nothing, psychopathy, ten years of enjoyment before death, eternal punishment, or even Faustian games that manipulate exact words to make life a living hell before claiming me for eternal punishment.

My question is this: what would you recommend I wish for?

Wishing in Wyoming


Wish for two wishes. Then wish for a trillion dollars. Then wish for the 1877 Coca-Cola bottle. He’ll have to give it to you. If he tries to say that he needs to go get it, don’t let him. He will absolutely have it on his person.

Now you’re a trillionaire AND you have the 1877 Coca-Cola bottle. Sometimes the key to success lies in specificity.


P.S. Oh! Almost forgot. The 1877 Coca-Cola bottle has your soul in it. And the other souls that he’s been collecting all these years. Just break it. There’s a chance that one of the other myriad souls that escapes will decide to take up residence in your soulless body, but your soul will probably beat them to it because it knows the way in.