Alistair,

I am writing to you on behalf of the group known as The Shining Ones. We are a commune preparing for the end of the current age and the coming of the next civilization, wherein we shall take our rightful place. Enclosed is a pamphlet on The Shining Ones – we encourage you to read it carefully. If you have any questions, our contact information is on the back page. Please don’t hesitate to call.

Yours

Ian S.

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Ian,

Clearly you fail to understand the system here – you write to me with questions, not vice-versa. Why wouldn’t you even take the time to learn who it is that you’re randomly writing to with this. . . Reese’s Pieces! You believe that gorillas will become the dominant life-form? You don’t represent a “group”; you represent a cult. You seriously expect me to take this seriously? I laugh: Aha! All praise the Transcendent Cerebral Omniscience? Please – when you make an unfortunate sound in polite company, say “excuse me”.

Alistair

P.S. Off the record, do you guys have a website?