I am writing to you on behalf of the group known as The Shining Ones. We are a commune preparing for the end of the current age and the coming of the next civilization, wherein we shall take our rightful place. Enclosed is a pamphlet on The Shining Ones – we encourage you to read it carefully. If you have any questions, our contact information is on the back page. Please don’t hesitate to call.


Ian S.


Clearly you fail to understand the system here – you write to me with questions, not vice-versa. Why wouldn’t you even take the time to learn who it is that you’re randomly writing to with this. . . Reese’s Pieces! You believe that gorillas will become the dominant life-form? You don’t represent a “group”; you represent a cult. You seriously expect me to take this seriously? I laugh: Aha! All praise the Transcendent Cerebral Omniscience? Please – when you make an unfortunate sound in polite company, say “excuse me”.


P.S. Off the record, do you guys have a website?