blackmail | Ask Alistair

Alistair,

I was sitting on the bus on the way home and the man standing near the front looked at me. I saw a shadow shifting about his face – as if it was under his skin. It was dark and fast-moving, like smoke before the wind. Then he looked away. When we reached the stop, he slipped getting out of the bus and fell a few feet onto the sidewalk. He died instantly. Just yesterday I was in the hospital getting a general examination when I passed a woman in the hall who had the same flickering shadow caressing her face. She was dead before I could leave the building. This morning though, I saw that same shadow on the face of a young boy about to cross the street. I ran forward, grabbed him and held him tight. Moments later a car careened through the crosswalk and the moment it did so, there was a bright flash of color in the boy’s cheeks and the shadow disappeared. I can save people, Alistair. How do I best employ this gift?

Seeing Destiny in Tipperary

Destiny,

One word: Blackmail. It’ll take a few sacrificial lambs to prove your point, but people will get the idea. You could also be the next big thing in bodyguards. A word of advice, though: Carry a mirror.

Alistair

Alistair,

I was sent a video of a crow staring into a camera. After about fifteen seconds, the skin falls off and the skeleton flies away. Then there are words that say “Send this to someone else or die in three days.” I’m not sure what the ethical solution is, but the skeleton bird has been stalking me in real life for a day and a half and I’m kinda not interested in betting on a chain letter.

Who Profits in Barquisimeto

Who Profits,

I know who that is. She’s one of those mostly harmless persons at this point in history, and it’s very unlikely that she would actually kill you if you don’t share the video. That said, she’d probably appreciate it if you did. She’s not becoming nearly as popular on social media as she would like, which is a hard blow for a Slavic Ancient One to accept.

If you are a gambler, try the following: don’t just forward the video to one person. Share it to thousands. Make it blow up. If you can capture footage of Baba Yaga’s featherless form stalking you and attach it as proof that she actually follows up, it will probably help the viral content accelerate. She will probably reward you handsomely for your proactive assistance. It won’t occur to her until too late that she won’t be able to do any kind of follow-up on the thousands of people now sharing her video (she is NOT omnipresent… barely present at all, if we’re being brutally honest about it).

Alistair