Alistair,

I have recently been contacted by an advanced being calling himself Zuriel. He demands worship in exchange for secrets of the universal fabric. He’s also skinny, glows, and hovers. I didn’t do anything to summon him, as far as I’m aware. Given all this, is there some way to determine what he really is?

First Contact in Whitehead

First Contact,

Think like a businessman. Hire simple-minded fools (or otherwise clever people. It really doesn’t matter) to produce a steady stream of worship to this Zuriel fellow, while the secrets of the universal fabric are addressed to your PO Box. If the secrets seem valuable enough to warrant your worship staff, continue business as usual and profit from your stash of game-changing information. If he seems to be a phony whose appearance must undoubtedly have been the product of smoke and mirrors, cut your losses and fire the worship staff.

Alistair