Alistair,

So. . . I have started experiencing some very alarming symptoms that my doctor will not take seriously. He wouldn’t even talk to me when I said that these symptoms only showed up during the full moon. My symptoms include growing patches of long, dense hair; severe aching in my gums surrounding my canine teeth and a distinct yellowing in the eyes. I also feel sudden urges to make noises. Eerie noises. I hesitate to use the word “howl,” but it fits. Please tell me that I am not the victim of (as I suspect) a neurological condition resulting from a liver disorder that is causing erratic epidermal behaviour as a side-effect.

Hypochondriac in Derbyshire

Hypochondriac,

As someone without (formal) medical training, it sounds to me like a non-malignant virus. Antibacterials won’t help, and you probably already know that the rumors of Vitamin C helping beat back things like the common cold is inaccurate. Thus, I’ll give you more “down-home” wisdom.

Chicken soup is very good. I suspect you’ve been getting a lot of chicken in recently; keep it up. Get in a lot of herbal teas, particularly Arnica Montana (your local herbalist or magical dealer will be able to help you with that). Also, I suggest ingesting silver for a while until it clears up – colloidal or not, it doesn’t matter. While some people laugh at that, it’s always been a brilliant help in my experience.

Alistair