time travel | Ask Alistair

Alistair,

I decided to take your advice and collected a baseball bat to mug my younger self for time machine fuel. Right before I could “transition,” another time machine landed next to mine. My older self emerged with a decked-out assault rifle and told me to hand over my fuel. I did, and he left. Am I in danger of destroying the space/time continuum?

Maybe a Menace in WV

Menace,

I think given the circumstances you have outlined, we can be safe in assuming that the space/time continuum is going to be jarred at the very least. We can hope that your future self is as aware of such considerations as you seem to be. If he is, presumably he is presently (or futuristically, or historically) working at maintaining the integrity of the current timeline. However, now that your personal timeline is one where you have no more fuel, I recommend you take up a different hobby altogether.

Alistair

Alistair,

A man saying that he’s me from the future demanded that I give him five hundred dollars to help him get a ride home. Also, he’s building a time machine in my basement and just kinda crashing there. I’m getting suspicious that he’s not actually me. What’s the best way to check?

Unwilling Landlord in Saint Louis

Unwilling Landlord,

There are a couple quick things that I would personally look for.

For example, are you a man? If so, does this particular man look like you? These things would be easy to check and pretty pertinent to the question at hand.

Also, do you know anything about time travel/engineering? Mechanical time travel is not a third grade field of study. You would have to already be up to your elbows in time travel theory/tech if, at any point in a natural lifetime, you’re going to be able to build a time machine. If you’ve never really thought about how machines work and prefer to spend your time with birds than books, then chances are that this is an impostor and it is far more likely that he’s building a moonshine distillery than a time machine.

Alistair