Tag Archives: time travel

Daylight Savings

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Alistair,

While recently testing a time travel device, I think I accidentally flipped the schematics; my maiden voyage sent the entire universe forward by one day, rather than myself. Unfortunately, the power demands of a move like that mean that the only way I’ll be able to reverse the move is to hook up to a nearby star. The hitch is that it would take a few billion years to establish the connection. I considered using time travel to skip ahead, but the power demands for that are even more ridiculous. Any advice on fixing the situation?

Daylight Savings in Brussels

Daylight Savings,

So everyone’s lost a day. In the end, nobody’s going to notice. Oh, there may be a schedule slip or a few lost items as people misplaced things in the missing interim, but in the end, it’ll be chalked up to exactly the same thing as it always is: ‘Gee whiz, where did the time go? Seems like just yesterday it was last week.’

Besides, on the scale of all things, people are constantly doing this nonsense. In the end, the universe won’t be ten years off in any direction.

Alistair

Messed

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Alistair,

I’ve conflicted with my future and past self; there was a battle royale, lots of people died. Thank goodness it was only me. 

However, after destroying my time machine, I went out for bagels and coffee and encountered the Butterfly Effect. Gorillas are no longer the dominant lifeform, the angels never made contact, and Bon Jovi turned into a pop singer. What should I do?

Messed Up in Sudan

Messed,

You idiot. Change it back! Actually – you know what? Leave well enough alone. Finish your coffee. Go and collect Sudanese stamps. Just stay the dickens away from time-travel for the remainder of your linear days. For penance, you are obliged to listen to What is Love exclusively from this day forth.

Alistair

Menace

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Alistair,

I decided to take your advice and collected a baseball bat to mug my younger self for time machine fuel. Right before I could “transition,” another time machine landed next to mine. My older self emerged with a decked-out assault rifle and told me to hand over my fuel. I did, and he left. Am I in danger of destroying the space/time continuum?

Maybe a Menace in WV

Menace,

I think given the circumstances you have outlined, we can be safe in assuming that the space/time continuum is going to be jarred at the very least. We can hope that your future self is as aware of such considerations as you seem to be. If he is, presumably he is presently (or futuristically, or historically) working at maintaining the integrity of the current timeline. However, now that your personal timeline is one where you have no more fuel, I recommend you take up a different hobby altogether.

Alistair

Unwilling Landlord

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Alistair,

A man saying that he’s me from the future demanded that I give him five hundred dollars to help him get a ride home. Also, he’s building a time machine in my basement and just kinda crashing there. I’m getting suspicious that he’s not actually me. What’s the best way to check?

Unwilling Landlord in Saint Louis

Unwilling Landlord,

There are a couple quick things that I would personally look for.

For example, are you a man? If so, does this particular man look like you? These things would be easy to check and pretty pertinent to the question at hand. 

Also, do you know anything about time travel/engineering? Mechanical time travel is not a third grade field of study. You would have to already be up to your elbows in time travel theory/tech if, at any point in a natural lifetime, you’re going to be able to build a time machine. If you’ve never really thought about how machines work and prefer to spend your time with birds than books, then chances are that this is an impostor and it is far more likely that he’s building a moonshine distillery than a time machine.

Alistair