Alistair,

Over the last several months, a sneaking suspicion has been edging up on me. I am perpetually in excellent shape no matter what, I am far more attractive than genetics would allow, ancient languages come fluently to me, and I can  immediately look straight into the souls of those across from me. Is it possible that I am the reincarnation of an ancient king?

Maybe I’m Royal in Kansas City

Royal,

It does seem that you are very likely a reincarnation of somebody from ancient times. Unfortunately there is a ridiculously slim chance that you could be royalty. Not only does basic demographic math frown upon that eventuality, but the chances become slimmer still in light of how you are both fit and attractive – few royalty possess either of those qualities. Considering the demographics of ancient societies, it’s totally possible that you were a slave. Long days of hard labor in the sun produces healthy, tanned, trim specimens whose empathy with the human condition allows them insight into their fellow man – hence your “mind-reading” powers. You built ancient Roman slum housing or something like that. Congratulations on the ancient languages though!

Alistair