Alistair,

I am attempting to combat crime in my city. I have mastered several martial arts, tried my hand at crime in other cities to get a sense for the underworld, have become a forensic scientist/cyber crime expert/etc and even perfected a gruff, unrecognizable voice.

I have one problem:

How does one become a billionaire?

On a Budget in Candem, NJ

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Budget,

Normally, people acquire unfathomable wealth by marrying well, devoting their lives to business, inventing social networking mediums… or by becoming professional criminals. As it happens, your studies in martial arts, crime and intimidating vocals make you uniquely qualified for one of those pursuits in particular. Try this out:

1. Go to Bosnia, or maybe Detroit, and become disgustingly rich by despicable means.

2. Undergo a character transformation filled with regret and horror as you realize that you’re the bad guy you set out to defeat in the first place.

3. Dissolve your criminal empire with brutal finality, move back to your home city and spend the rest of your days (and your billions) trying to make up for your checkered past.

Alistair