Alistair,

I’ve been asked to make a judgment between three faerie queens. They each want me to choose which of them is the fairest of all. Not going to lie, they’re all pretty hot. I know how this goes, though. How do I pick without getting myself screwed over?

Paris in Paris

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Paris,

Proceed with caution, but take heart; there is actually a right answer here.

Firstly, there are not any three faerie queens actively in power at present, so right from the get-go you need to be aware that you are probably experiencing this choice while under the influence of a fae illusion.

Your choice is not to do with actual beauty, it’s to do with deciding which of the three is the actual fae queen and which of them are impostors. The fae are impish, but they are also deeply vain. The queen is primarily enjoying the sight of you sweating over which of them is most beautiful, but if you choose incorrectly, you will trigger a petty response from her hurt vanity.

So. You need to respond with a series of tests to expose the false queens. Rank and file fae have only a limited range of powers whereas queens are borderline minor deities. Some classic tests would be asking them to shapeshift into a noble form (the stag, the horse, the leopard or the platypus); asking them to summon the most disobedient of the fae (the gremlin); or asking them to make an Irish meal without potatoes. 

Alistair