Alistair,

There’s a band of faeries on the family farm where I live. I found them last week by following the haunting, ethereal sound of the choir. They invited me to join them in the eternal dance, to be one of the mortals bound to the small fae clan only to revel in the pleasures forever brought in by the beautiful and alien experience that never dulls nor grows familiar. I told them I’d get back to them. Should I go, or stay?

Grimm in Ontario

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Grimm,

When being invited into a fae clan, there are a few basic questions you need to ask. Firstly, what kind of faeries are these? They sound the vengeful, bizarrely-malicious faeries of ancient folklore. They could easily be, however, more like brownies – pudgy fairies that clean houses and periodically write ditties.

Also, do you shrink to be the size of a faerie (average height: 5.2 inches)? If so, stop asking questions and join. Being that small has a host of easily conceivable advantages.

Lastly, ask some probing questions about their currency/economy to find out if there is any preparation you can do while you’re still human to exploit their society. If they worship smartphones, buy a bushel of Samsungs before converting and become the King of the Gods to this small and simple race.

Alistair