dragon | Ask Alistair

Alistair,

Strange mutations showing up all over my body. We’re talking spikes, horns, maybe even some wings. When should I get worried, or see a doc?

Draconic in Lancashire

Draconic,

As long as your spikes, horns and wings are healthy, I can’t imagine why a medical practitioner would need to be contacted. Rub a heavy grease into horns to avoid splitting or flaking. Leave your spikes alone – draconic spikes should be self-oiling through glands at their base. If you’re growing wings, just be sure to exercise them regularly as they come in to avoid stunted development.

Your doctor will not know how to take care of any actual problems that might develop with your new anatomy. Worst case scenario, contact a veterinarian.

Alistair

Alistair,

So I kinda thought that I was the hero of my story: slay an evil dragon or two, make friends with a good dragon, inherit a kingdom, lead them into a glorious and new age. I’m outside the evil dragon’s cave, though, and… there’s a lot of bodies and cooked pieces. And it’s occurred to me that I might actually be one of the guys who dies before he ever makes it that far. Any way to crosscheck?

Time Crunch in Kingston-Upon-Hull

Time Crunch,

If you have to ask, you’re screwed.

The reality is, it takes much more than ambition to fulfill your shopping list of feats of greatness. If you don’t have a very specific ancestry, you’re not about to inherit a kingdom; if you don’t have a very specific edge, you’re not about to defeat a dragon of any description. In both cases, if you have what you need, you usually already know about it.

So if you must proceed, make sure that you launch your attack from a spot where the true hero who follows you will be convenienced by the step that your hollowed-out armour provides.

Parting thought… Are you sure this is an evil dragon? Consider reordering your agenda to incorporate befriending a dragon ally earlier in the game. It might be exactly the edge you require for defeating the other dragons further down the road.

Alistair