Alistair, 

My cousin just got in touch with me; turns out that he’s royalty in a small European  country. They still demand that royalty marry within the family, and it looks like I’m the only option. He doesn’t really care who he marries, he’s just trying to become king, and he has to be married for that to happen. What do you advise? 

Queen to Be in Miami 

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Queen, 

There are no immediately apparent problems here for you as far as I can see. Enter into the marriage on the understanding that it’s simply a strategic contract. You then have two options: A. Be a queen (which, I suppose, could appeal to some people) or B. Immediately divorce the king; write a predominately fictitious book entitled “Queen for a Day” in which you describe how you were forced into a familial marriage by the royalty of a backwards nation; make millions while practically living on talk shows; and buy the small nation from your ex-husband, making you queen anyway. In my experience, that sort of thing works brilliantly. 

Alistair