Picky

Alistair,

Is there a way to put in requests for what kind of undead you’d like to be?

Picky People Eater in Kailua


Picky,

Yes, there absolutely are a number of forms to be filled out, though a lot of them involve stacking bones and lighting things on fire. Don’t count on anyone paying attention to them, however. Not only is there a very long waiting list for the preferred forms of undead (generally: sentient, at least marginally powerful, inhumanly attractive and typically benevolent), but the entities in charge of the assignment rarely take them into account. When they do, there’s a very high likelihood that they will instead shuttle you to the most similar form currently short-stocked, which may or may not have the specific traits that you were interested in. As with most things, your best bet is to try to put in a good word with someone in a clerical position and see if they’ll pull some strings. It’s practically guaranteed not to work, but the word ‘practically’ is included, so it’s at least worth a shot.

Alistair

Na+

Alistair,

Help resolve an argument between my brother and I. Ghosts are undead people, and ghosts are badly affected by salt. Vampires are also undead people. Therefore, shouldn’t salt badly affect vampires?

Na+ in Portland


Na+,

On the contrary, my witless amateur. Your logical train is seriously flawed. Elephants are mammals and afraid of mice + Bruce is mammalian ≠ Bruce is afraid of mice. Well, he is, actually, but could easily not be and still be mammalian. Besides, vampires drink blood – a fluid rich in salt! So that’s got you sorted.

Alistair