I am head of Security for a specific and ruthless royal family. The family’s prize winning and much-loved pedigreed Great Dane has been taken by a group of revolutionaries and is being held in demand for a large number of social reforms, including the immediate abolition of the token powers still held by the family. Given that my duty is to maintaining the integrity of the royal family first and foremost, I am prepared to make a deal with any given entity to recover Malamutt. I am not, however, willing to make an unnecessarily bad deal. When making a soul-scarring deal, what are the standard precautions to be taken?

Loyal in South Moldova



That’s the kind of dedicated, can-do attitude that you really don’t find around anymore. Of course, you don’t find it because everyone who copped it tended to die in the inevitable revolution, if they survived the self-sacrificing behavior immediately prior.

Other than that, your standard precautions apply: Make sure your face, brain, and unmentionables remain intact. And as often as possible, try and make the deal someone else’s problem. It will inevitably bite you later, but it’s good form.