Puzzled

Alistair,

I’ve conflicted with my future and past self; there was a battle royale, lots of people died. Thank goodness it was only me. However, after destroying my time machine, I went out for bagels and coffee and encountered the Butterfly Effect. Gorillas are no longer the dominant lifeform, the angels never made contact, and Miley Cyrus turned into a pop singer. What should I do?

Puzzled in Sudan

Puzzled,

You idiot. Change it back! Actually- you know what? Leave well enough alone. Finish your coffee. Go and collect Sudanese stamps. Just stay the dickens away from time-travel for the remainder of your linear days. For penance, you are obliged to listen to Blurred Lines exclusively from this day forth.

Alistair