Nodding Along

Alistair,

What is the best way to determine the moralities of the voices in my head?

Nodding Along in Nantucket

Nodding Along,

It turns out that voices in the head can be distinguished based on their accents, as what we know as ‘moralities’ in inner-consciousness voices are merely ‘nationalities’ to them. This has to do with their source lying in a different physical portion of the brain. If you suffer misgivings at the thought of regarding or disregarding certain voices based on their nationalities, remember: that bad, neutral, or slightly cracked voice inside of you knew full well what he was doing when he was born into his respective inner-consciousness nation. Here is brief though incomplete guide to the voices that you should be familiar with:

Scottish accent: The Good (or rather, Mostly Harmless) Voice

German accent: The Bad Voice

English accent: The Bad Voice

French accent: The Bad Voice

Canadian accent: The Voice that wonders if it isn’t a little unkind to discriminate against the Bad Voice based purely on it’s nationality (as in the physical world, feel free to ignore this voice)

American accent: The Voice that says the Frenchies deserve it. All of it.

Irish accent: The Voice that informs you in any given situation that this situation would be much better handled if drunk

Russian accent: The Voice that agrees with both the German and Irish voices

Dutch accent: The Voice that suddenly compels you to clean like a crazy person

Japanese accent: The Voice that randomly makes you feel guilty and inadequate for not being Japanese

Alistair