Waiting

Alistair,

I know you dislike me. Believe me, the feeling is mutual, but I’ve been getting desperate. Understand what it is for me to acknowledge this: you are better qualified to advise me than any other. The point is, I’ve not got good publicity (to say the least), living in an area that violates every principle of real estate, and don’t even know what I’m looking for. I’ve tried cutting a few deals, a few websites, I’ve even asked a few colleagues out. There is one really cute angel, but that’s a match made back home. If you could possibly recommend someone, or a place to meet them, we’ll try and go easy on you when your time comes.

Waiting for you in The Other Side

P.S. We won’t make it easy. Would still be obliged.

Other Side,

Don’t reject a match just because you’re different. Opposites attract; an honest man meets a liar, they fall in love, live happily ever after, then die in heartbreak when the man realizes that she never meant a single “I love you.” Angels only give off a little bit of cleansing light – it’d be barely agonizing for you. Perhaps she/he/it won’t immediately snuff you as the unholy abomination that you are. Perhaps she may grow to tolerate you, eventually making you into a spineless chew toy that your colleagues use as a watchword to warn the few new players off from developing softer feelings.

Alistair

P.S. Easy is for the weak. You can swallow a rock.